In my humble opinion, it’s the biggest mistake made by today’s churches and is the number one contributing factor to our society of sexual immorality — assigning the virtue of sexual purity to youth while dismissing its importance for never married adults. This stereotype is so all encompassing that it makes me dizzy thinking about all the layers that have to be peeled off to expose the biblical truth. There’s been a lot of talk about sex lately in the news which, unfortunately, shines a bright light on this hypocrisy — thereby weakening the church’s stand on social issues such as same sex marriage, abortion, adultery, etc. The Bible never puts an age limit on sexual purity and never mentions youth groups, youth pastors, college churches, purity balls for teenage girls, sex education for teens, etc. But they are so engrained in church tradition today that it’s hard for most people to separate tradition from obedience. You may be tempted to ask: “But does it have to be in the Bible to be used today?” My answer is – when it comes to teaching and modeling sexual values in the 21st century, all of them have to be based on the Bible. What this limitation does, in effect, is add to the bible. God’s word clearly tells us we cannot do that: “For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book.” Revelations 22:18. The addition of age-based purity is just as grave as adding another disciple to God’s word. The consequences of this have been devastating over the last 20 years. It reinforces the notion that sexual purity is not possible in adulthood. It denies that many of the saints reached adulthood. It denies that Jesus reached adulthood. What we have left is strictly an adolescent Bible, one that is cute and cuddly and friendly to women and children. One that is politically correct and comfortable to all. A Bible as palpable as cotton candy. What we don’t have is an adult Bible, the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God, slicing through contemporary debates. God’s infinite wisdom and truth gets no deeper than children’s church, no deeper than the golden calf of marriage and family. Standards are lowered, expectations are lowered, and the cycle continues.
Nowhere is this more evident than in the written word today. The subject of sexual purity in books and magazines is almost always approached from the perspective of a concerned parent (True Love Waits, etc). And in the blogosphere world, 90+% of all articles related to purity are covered by young emotionally charged Catholic girls, 20-somethings who see themselves as experts on all things purity. Even the negative phrase “purity culture” has been coined to describe them. It has it’s own language, mindset, and personality. Since they don’t know what purity is in the adult world, these young writers are typically judgmental, distrustful of all older single men, and bash single men every chance they get. Most pervasive is the distrust of older single men. On these blogs, men have been reduced to no more than a drunken bloat sitting at a bar looking for his next skirt to chase. The patience and self control of older chaste single men has become . . . fantasy. There are exceptions, of course. One blogger even remarked that: “If we lower the bar, he doesn’t have to exist.” In many ways, we don’t exist today. Some of these young writers have even stated that it’s inappropriate for 50-60 year old single adults to date. Many churches have left the job of setting standards of virtue to women. That’s the main reason so many churches are feminized today, driving real men away, older single men who are just as pure as the purity ball queens. If these double standards are brought to their attention, their number one defense is numbers – “There are just so few of these men.” I know I’ve said this before — God’s power and faithfulness is not limited by statistics and numbers. All of us who are living lives of purity must allow for the supernatural and number-defying workings of God. We must respect and trust each other, whether it’s in day to day encounters or in the digital world.
The Charism of Virginity in the 21st Century 
Excellent commentary. To be fair, the verse in Revelation applies to the contents of Revelation, not necessarily to the whole of the Word. I also believe men are largely responsible for their own reputation, as poor as it is.
But I too have upheld the standard which (I thought) was expected of me, and have been slowly devastated over the last five to ten years at the number of women who have quietly surrendered this fight, relinquishing their expectation of a man who will not, and then hoping he will be willing to accept that she cannot return the gift he brings.
I do still bear the gift of purity and virtue. At present, it shines brightly enough as to burn even my own eyes. It is a burden at times. But the longer the wait, the sweeter the kiss. As I have promised my future unknown bride, I will wait for her.
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You make a great point here, John. I never gave it much thought when it comes to purity and age. That bible tells us to wait until marriage and there is no age limit on that. Its a shame when we see people lowering their standards and looking at a pure man as weak and a virgin girl as a challenge verses looking at them as a gem that should be treasured. It’s very sad. Kudos to you for not lowering your standards and walking in God’s word.
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Thank you Kerri. Here’s another example of what I’m talking about. I signed up for an account on a purity blog this week, One of the questions asked was age. This is the email I received from them: “The fact that you’re 50+ and you’ve never had a relationship — and that you’re proud of it — is delusional, sad, and more likely to scare people away than make them feel supported for waiting. It means you likely have a pathological avoidance of intimacy, and you’re hiding it under the banner of waiting.” Disrespectful, cynical, arrogant. That’s what the next generation will look like I’m afraid. I’ve seen many such reactions over the years. It really is sad.
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Oh my word…..what a rude, disrespectful email. I am shocked that anyone trying to build a blog site would think that this is appropriate and correct. God obviously has bigger plans for you so the best thing is to just pray for them. It boggles my mind how people just go by what others say (the world) and not what is truly in the bible. It seems they make things up as they go along in life. I truly don’t understand it. The bible makes things pretty simple for us.
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This is true, saving oneself for marriage is not only an adolescent issue, even people who were once married and now divorced are in the category of dealing with trying preserve their dignity and morals in a moral decadent generation.
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