Attacks on virginity have become pretty commonplace in the digital world. But what is amazing is the level of voyeurism being used today. It’s almost like “virgin hunting” has become a new sport. And support groups on the internet have become their hunting grounds. When one of their members mentions virginity, they are quickly called self righteous and intolerant. Unfortunately, these guilt trips are often effective on blog administrators who suddenly feel the need to be tolerant and politically correct. This is especially true in closed support groups. Whatever qualifications were in place for potential members are tossed by the wayside. “Waiting until marriage” has been downgraded to “waiting since the last time I had sex.” The pesky issue of virginity is just so offensive. What kind of message does that send to singles who are really waiting? For a lot of them, it sends one message – “Virginity is not as important as you think.” In recent days, purity groups and blogs have become nothing more than Sex and the City confessionals and child abuse/rape counseling sessions. Singles who joined them in hopes of getting encouragement from like minded waiters have gotten a few surprises. Here are a few examples from one of the largest “purity” blogs on the internet:
“There’s an ex of mine when i was 18, him 30, who abused me sexually and financially. i ran away from him but now i have been feeling like re-opening the contact.”
“I’m 46 years old & my boyfriend of 5 months is 51. We’ve both been married twice in ungodly marriages & have come to know Christ in a very intimate way through the pain of divorce.”
“Well after my addiction to drugs came i started selling to pay for my addiction and then came to where i started fooling around with different girls and then my addiction to porn came along so finally after the age of 22 i hit rock bottom.”
In the area of sexual ethics, a society chooses which groups are granted exclusivity and respect. And that choice reflects its civility and Christian values. Are you divorced? There are hundreds of “Divorce Care” groups in churches. Do you have a problem with pornography? There are “Porn Free Initiatives” being setup by countless churches. Are you an unwed teen mother? There are hundreds of tax-payer funded “crisis pregnancy centers” in your county to choose from. There are even parents in charge of pregnancy crisis centers who set up purity sites and pose as virgins to raise money for these centers. Can you say twisted? Isn’t it obvious that the family only approach to purity does not work? Is everybody still so gullible to think that mama knows best? Good old family values, apple pie, and dirty toothbrushes. These same “struggling parents” give lip service to purity within the confines of a church building, but mock and call it offensive within the anonymous world of the internet – especially when they’re trying to raise money for their pregnant daughters. Churches – If you think “divorce care” programs or “porn initiatives” support the virtue of virginity, you are badly mistaken. If you think they will open up a discussion on virginity, you are delusional. Can the sexually broken and forgiven be encouraged in the same room as the righteous and self controlled? As hard as it may be to accept, the answer to that question is no. Sexual sin has consequences that forgiveness cannot undo. Unfortunately, the only testimony your likely hear in a church today is from the broken 18 year old with two children who started having sex with her boyfriends at 14 and has had three abortions and managed to wean herself off alcohol and crack cocaine. A good story sells.
In a few short years, “virginity” will be so offensive it will be removed from the pages of the Bible. Gabriel will have to settle for the “best secondary virgin” to proclaim the birth of Christ. After all, the girl who lived next door to Mary might be offended and feel shamed. There will be no more Virgin Marys in nativity scenes. No. That would be too condemning. What about the guys? Are they expected to wait until marriage? No, I’m afraid they’re also peeping through windows.
Dads can continue to take their daughters to purity balls for entertainment. But on the way home they should explain gonorrhea and other STDs to their little girls and stop by a pharmacy to pick up Doxycycline and Zithromax – because none of the boys will have waited. Is it not obvious that Christianity is rooted in sexual ethics? Some virtues in this world call for respect and exclusivity. Virginity is one of them. If we can’t defend it from voyeurs and respect its privacy today, it will be gone tomorrow. Parents – If you feel the need to talk about sex and purity outside your marriage and family, I suggest you visit your local porn shop. Or, if you still have issues, a counselor may be able to help.