I have a few confessions to make:
Over my 53 years, I’ve never lived with anybody, but I’m not a lonely man.
I’ve never slept with anybody, but I can fall asleep on my own.
I’m a solitary man, but I know who my neighbors are.
I don’t have a family, but have lived a fulfilled life.
I’m an independent spirit, but I have more responsibilities than most married men.
I’ve never married, but have been successful and own my own house.
I will never “settle down,” but I’m not hitting the bars every night either.
I am beyond mature and have switched over to senior vitamins. But I don’t need anybody to care for me.
I’m not looking for a wife, but I don’t have a poor view of marriage.
I’m not looking for a commitment. I have a permanent commitment to Christ.
I’m not drifting aimlessly in a world of utopia. I know who I am and where I’m going.
I’m not waiting to finish school. I have a college degree.
I love all children, but I’m not a pedophile.
I don’t plan on having a family, but I do know what love is. My maternal grandfather had 17 brothers and sisters.
I can appreciate feminine beauty. But I don’t need a woman to affirm my manhood.
I have a roof, food, and clothes. And more. I’m not waiting on anything.
I’ve never bought condoms because I’ve never had to “protect” myself.
I’ve never “known” a woman sexually. But I haven’t figured out why that makes me less holy than married preachers who live adulterous lives.
I don’t have a better half. I am a whole person. I’m not bitter.
I don’t mirror God’s love for the church, but rather the church’s separation from the world and a new world order.
I’m not waiting on God to bring me “the one.” I’m secure in who I am.
I don’t go out on “dates.” I spend time with friends.
I don’t consider my singleness a problem or disease to be cured. I feel very well. Thanks.
I don’t bring home the bacon to anybody. I buy and cook my own.
I don’t mind talking to anybody, anytime or anywhere. But I won’t chase you.
I don’t expect to fit in. If that’s your definition of a loner, then that’s me.
I don’t expect anybody to relate to me. That’s okay. More than likely, I don’t relate to you.
I love married people. But I don’t listen to their advice.
I’m not always loving and kind. But that’s not something you can’t fix. It’s the way I am.
I have friends who fall under all three types of Matthew 19 eunuchs, including true hermaphrodites. God made them that way. Did he make you with a tongue ring?
I’ve been celibate my whole life, but I’m not gay.
I believe homosexuality is a sin. But that doesn’t mean I hate homosexuals.
I’m not “age appropriate” and never will be. Where did your mind go on that one?
My values do not adapt to a changing cultural environment. I believe biblical standards are the same today as they were 2000 years ago. If you don’t like me today, you won’t like me tomorrow.
I go to church to meet people, not to get more religious.
I do not guard my heart. I go where it takes me.
I’m somewhat of an expert on Praying Mantises.