The more I read what is being written about purity today, the more I think it has been assigned to one gender – Women. Women are supposed to set sexual boundaries, guard their hearts, guard their emotions, say no to the advances of men, dress modestly, passively wait until a man “pursues” her, and define the very meaning of chastity and purity. Who writes over 90% of all purity books and blogs? Women. But what about guys who are waiting until marriage to have sex? Or guys who have decided not to ever have sex? Does their opinion count? I would like for it to count more than it does today. Are the biblical standards for purity different for men and women? I don’t think so. I’m afraid all the emphasis on women’s purity only accomplishes one thing – It devalues pure men. Yes, preachers and religious leaders can say they’re both equally important. But that falls by the wayside when everything that is said and spoken about purity is from the woman’s point of view. Think about the world we would have today if it were as God designed it. All people having sexual relationships would be married and all single people would be virgins. Does it sound like a fantasy? If that’s the way God designed it, why are we content in playing by the rules of a lost world?
It’s my opinion that purity is just as much men’s responsibility as it is women’s and that this imbalance is one of the number one reasons single men have lost respect in this generation. Actually, I think purity is more our responsibility. Godly men do not push women sexually until they say no. Where’s the honor in that? There is none. It’s the most dishonorable thing a man can do. But we’ve got a world today that bestows honor on a man if he “scores” and doesn’t get a woman pregnant, if he pays for the abortion, and if he “does the right thing” and marries her. Godly men do not try to take something that is not theirs. I’ve always found it interesting that God made women’s bodies so that they are marked when then have sex the first time; either through breakage of the hymenal ring (with exceptions) or pregnancy. Men don’t have to worry about such visible consequences. Sometimes I think it would have been nice if God had designed men’s anatomy such that something changed when they had sex for the first time. But he didn’t. So our character defines our purity for the world to see. By that, I mean how you stand with God and everybody that knows you. Self-controlled men are content with what they have. They meet adversity head-on. They don’t take shortcuts. They don’t compromise their purity. They know what the pain of waiting is all about and honor the patience of Godly women who are waiting. Most of all, they understand the sacredness of sex and how it goes way beyond physical pleasure. They understand its permanent bond, the exclusive nature of marriage, and their own vulnerability. Likewise, men who have been called to celibacy understand their responsibility to all women and to those who are most vulnerable. Guys, we have just as much responsibility to keep our temples clean as women do. That means we don’t knock on the doors of other temples. That means we don’t run in and try to sample the cookies first, thinking we will never get caught. What you do in the backseat of a car may not become public knowledge. But that doesn’t mean God will not find out. He will.
Many parents today do not educate their children about human sexuality, especially daughters. They relinquish that responsibility to the streets, to the internet, to their friends, to the schools, and to other classmates. Just because they don’t know how valuable their sexuality is does not mean it’s something we should try to take advantage of. And may I make this strong suggestion: Please do not think of a woman’s body as a baseball field. It’s not something to play with. It’s not a game. Be thankful that she’s in your presence and talking to YOU. She could be with another man. How would you like her to hit your balls out of the park? Think about it. In the Old Testament, men were required to marry a virgin if they had sex with her. That should give you an idea of the importance God places on purity. So guys, it’s up to you. If you’re still waiting, I encourage you to strengthen that commitment. Do you want to see the images of past girlfriends every time you have sex with your wife in the future? Or do you want the only image to be that of your wife? Do you want your future wife to be content knowing she is your only one? Or do you want her to worry about you comparing her to women in your past? Are you going to impress your friends and have sex with the first girl that gives in? Would you rather be a street stud or a man of conviction and courage? Do you want to blend in with the crowd or do you want to stand out from the crowd? I encourage you to take back the responsibility for sexual purity that should have been ours in the first place. Whether you’re looking for a wife or content remaining unmarried, let’s show the world that real men are self-controlled and have just as much responsibility for sexual purity as women; that ladies in waiting are just half the story and that they should settle for nothing less than gentlemen in waiting.