Boaz Or Bozo?

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This evening I was looking through the Facebook groups that had the words purity, waiting or virtue in their titles and couldn’t help but notice that at least 90% of their members are women. And if you do an internet search on these words, you’ll find the same stark double standard. Nearly all of the articles, interviews, books, speeches, etc. that have anything to do with abstinence have been written by women. Why are women held to higher standards than men? Is it because they have a hymen and men don’t? Is it because they get pregnant and men don’t? If this is the case, then civilization has dipped to a status below the apes. It shouldn’t be this way, men. It takes two people with equal respect for each other to come together in marriage. It only takes two people with hormones to come together in recreational sex. Sexual purity is just as much our responsibility as it is women’s. Do you like the idea of having your honeymoon night bombarded with the memories of past sexual encounters? You won’t be able to stop them. And you won’t be able to give your wife all the man you could have been if you’ve already given a part of yourself away. Do you think she’ll care? Do you think she’ll think about the other women? I’ll let you answer that for yourself. There’s no way another woman can walk into your temple, make dinner and a special dessert, and leave without a trace. Godly women can discern. They are waiting on more than a grinding tool. They like to think they are waiting on Boaz, not Bozo. Self control is what makes a real man, not how much action he can get. I’m proud to be a real man. Is it easy? Absolutely not. You may be laughed at, called names, and even avoided by your buddies. Living a Christian life is not all cotton candy. There’s a lot of sacrifice. I encourage you not to make mistakes today that you will regret for the rest of your lives. Self control doesn’t cost you anything. But the lack of it can be very expensive.

Single ladies who are looking for marriage – It’s pretty obvious that we live in the information age. With smart phones and laptops, it’s easy to think that all the knowledge of the world is at our fingertips. But it’s not. There are mysteries that scientists will never understand, and they include human sexuality and the creation of new life. It’s your responsibility to respect what virtuous men don’t know. It reminds me of a Brian Adams song that was out some years ago called “Have You Ever Really Loved A Woman.” The lyrics include these words:

To really love a woman, let her hold you
Til’ you know how she needs to be touched
You’ve gotta breathe her, really taste her
Til’ you can feel her in your blood
An’ when you can see your unborn children in her eyes
You know you really love a woman

A Christian guy who is also waiting on marriage will not know how to “really love a woman” because he hasn’t found the right one yet. More than likely he will feel really awkward in the pornographic world we live in. There’s a lot you can do about that. Start talking. When he knows how much you value self control, that will take a lot of guesswork out of the whole dating process. It will also help you avoid the Bozos.

What Happens During A Wedding Ceremony That Makes Sex Okay?

07-29-14Wedding

The Wedding Ceremony of Andrea Kastner and Thomas Morton by Thomas Thorspecken

The good old American wedding. It’s as comfortable as applie pie. So steeped in tradition we accept it as God’s word. Wedding dates, wedding planners, wedding rehearsals, rehearsal dinners, invitations, announcements, wedding ceremonies, wedding vows, engagement rings, wedding rings, legal witnesses, marriage licenses, preachers, money for the preachers, wedding cakes, bridesmaids’ luncheons, buttercream icing, buffets, entrances, preludes, interludes, processionals, recessionals, receptions, wedding dresses, tuxedos, ball gowns, veils, headpieces, open stocks, bridal registries, place settings, bridal showers, what to toss, flowers, garter belts, trains, corsages, boutonnieres, cascades, fillers, freeze-dried petals, pomanders, English garden arrangements, Tuscan arrangements, beveled edges, deckled edges, embossed, engraved, suits, proofs, sets, albums, escorts, place cards, overlays, pickups, sweetheart tables, first dances, honeymoons, best men, bridesmaids’ dresses, maids of honor, grooms, grooms’ mothers, ushers, wedding songs, ring-bearers, flower girls, father’s left arm, wedding parties, formal photographs, guest books, rose ceremonies, thresholds, frogs, spiders, black cats, rice tosses, stag parties, toasts, tin cans, five sugar-coated almonds, candlesticks, thirteen coins.

The problem is, none of it is in the Bible.  There is absolutely no description of a wedding ceremony in scripture. And there is nothing about weddings that make them innately biblical. No vows. No marriage licenses. No punch. Did you just did dizzy? If weddings are considered spiritual events on the same order with births and deaths, at what point during the wedding does God say, “Okay, you can have sex and become one flesh now”? Does a preacher become a stand-in for God when he asks, “do you take this woman/man to be your wife/husband?” Protestant churches would have you believe that.  So if marriages don’t start with wedding ceremonies, when do they start? Maybe we should consult the Bible. Take a look at Ephesians 5:30-32:

“For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.

For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.

This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.”

I cannot think of a more dignified and accurate metaphor for the sexual union than a man and woman becoming “one flesh.” Leave it to the genius of Apostle Paul and his way with words. Am I saying we’ve had it wrong all these years? Yes I am. The church slipped off the tracks when marriages became separated from sex with pomp and circumstance and assumed it could take on the role of God and unite two people forever.  Of course, all of this was done to allow and legalize divorce.  The church can’t do that. A preacher can’t do that. A thousand bowls of coconut-pineapple punch can’t do that. Even more sobering is the fact that man’s vocabulary can’t superimpose itself on top of God’s vocabulary. A classic example is “premarital sex.” If all sex before marriage is premarital, what do you call sex after marriage? Postmarital? Does all that bad sex before marriage suddenly become good when a preacher says, “You may now kiss the bride” in front of two witnesses and a gaggle of onlookers? Most churches will tell you it does because they routinely marry “cohabitating partners.”  I just don’t think so. Does that mean there are millions of people walking around today who are married through fornication and don’t know it? I’m afraid so. God’s word and commandments are so far removed from today’s reality that they’ve become unrecognizable. The church didn’t defend them and the congregants tossed them out the window in favor of comfort and pleasure. Instead of conforming our lives to God’s word, we have conformed God’s word to fit our lives.

Notice what Paul says in verse 32. I think it’s one of the most overlooked passages in the Bible. In very plain language, he is telling us that marriage is a mystery we will not understand on this earth. Could it be that sex actually bonds a man and woman beyond our comprehension so that they are more “one flesh?” than we even realize? Could sex chemically change our bodies permanently so that a man does become one with a prostitute when he has sex with her? Those are uncomfortable questions. And the world today doesn’t want the discomfort of a mystery. Every answer is in the palm of our hands. Just Google it. Is there anything science cannot explain? It tries. But, “The foolishness of God is wiser than human wisdom, and the weakness of God is stronger than human strength (1 Corinthians 1:25).”