An Interview with Apostle Paul

paul damascus

Reporter: So Paul, I hear you wrote most of the New Testament. Is that true? What made you good enough to do that?

Paul: I deserve death for what I’ve done, killed many Christians while I was yet blind. But on that road to Damascus one day, my eyes were opened.

Reporter: What did you see?

Paul: That by grace I was saved through faith. Not by anything I’ve done.

Reporter: Saved from what?

Paul: From a burning hell. That’s where we all would be without Christ’s salvation.

Reporter: You really don’t believe all those stories about hell, do you?

Paul: Yes I do, just as sure as I believe you’re standing in front of my face. I must be on my way now. I have many things to take care of.

Reporter? Your wife must be having a fit with you out on the road so long.

Paul: I have no wife young man.

Reporter: Well, how long have you been single?

Paul: My whole life.

Reporter. I really find that hard to believe. You must be in your 60s, right? Isn’t that a little old to be single? How many children do you have?

Paul: I’m actually 58. And I have no children. God called me to celibacy rather than marriage. I’m content with this lifestyle.

Reporter: Oh, I see. So you’re gay. I didn’t think Catholics wrote anything in the Bible. So, how many guys have you been with?

Paul: Gay?

Reporter: You know, homosexual. Don’t get me wrong, but now that I think about it, you do look the part. A loner type.

Paul: The world has clouded your eyes, hasn’t it young man. I’m not homosexual. Did you not read what I wrote in the first chapter of Romans? About how wicked men burning with lust one toward will be turned over to the judgement of God? About how fornicators and adulterers will not inherit the kingdom of God?

Reporter: Now you’re sounding like a right wing extremist Paul. I mean, there’s nobody left today that hasn’t dabbled in a little bit of fun.

Paul: There are more than you may think. Have you trained your camera on a positive story lately? Filmed your Samaritans rescuing people from the clutches of death? Interviewed a biblical single waiting patiently for a spouse? Talked to a Christian teacher putting her life on the line everyday in the classroom?

Reporter: But those stories are hard to find.

Paul: But you found me on the streets. Look around you. If you see a flash and hear a loud explosion, fall to your knees and just say “I will Lord.”