Maidens Waiting For Marriage In A Fallen World

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This post is to encourage ladies who not only believe in saving sex until marriage, but are also living the life.  It is for those who have waited, are waiting, and will wait.  If you’ve made mistakes, are forgiven, and waiting again – that is perfectly fine and I tip my hat to you.  But this message is for those who are still waiting.  The difference in the support needed is like comparing apples to oranges.  It is in no way meant to be judgmental.

For those of you who have publicly identify yourselves, created blogs of encouragement for men and women who are still waiting, written books on purity, even spoken to groups on chastity and abstinence — Thank you so much.  My hat not only tips, it goes off to you.   I am very aware of your security concerns.  I had the same about a year ago when I started this blog.   I know many of you have had to deal with everything from email attacks to blog bombs – demonstrating perseverance and courage beyond the call of duty.  Your visible witness not only matters to a few men today, but it defends the future of Christian virtue for your children and grandchildren.  Silence in the midst of a dark world will always be filled with noise and decadence.  Thank you for speaking up.  It matters.

If you ever come to a point where you think “I’m the only virgin left in the world” or “there’s not a guy my age waiting anymore,” remember that you’re not the only one left and that there are still guys who treasure you.  In the world we live in today, I know that is difficult to believe.  When you look out a window that’s  layered with fog, specks of light become very difficult to see.   There are Christian guys looking out the same window, who see the same fog.  So no matter what the statistics tell you and when you want to throw up your hands and say “that’s a one in a million man,” be conscious of how you present yourself in public because . . . he could be there.  No matter if it’s a service station, grocery store, post office.  Real men live.  God still intervenes to bring people together.  You may have to decide which is more important – his career and financial success or that he is a man of God waiting with you, waiting to be equally yoked with you.

I do realize that for some of you publicly identifying yourself seems impossible – whether it be from embarrassment, security issues, privacy, etc.  You may find it more comfortable to graze from blog to blog, hiding in the shadows of anonymity.  But we are in a war and darkness needs to be exposed to light.  If ugly words hurled at you bring you to your knees today, you need to rethink your commitment to wait.  It’s going to take tougher skin than that.  In order to affirm something, you must be willing to defend it.  At one time in history, knights defended maidens at all costs.  It was known as chivalry.  So every chance we get, let’s show the world what it is missing.  Show men with dignity and self control that they are worth more than a distrustful glance, an anonymous email, or adolescent games.  There really is no gray area here.  You either build a guy up to what he can be or you tear him down to what he used to be.  It’s your choice.

So to all of you who are waiting – Carry your commitments just as strong into 2014.  It’s God’s design.  And it’s what’s best for us.  Be bold.  Be strong.  Wait.

John

Thank you to –

http://forteebello.com/

http://www.juliaduin.com/

http://www.arleenspenceley.com/

http://www.susanmires.com/

https://www.facebook.com/Godswomaninwaiting – Rachel Hamilton

http://www.silverringthing.com/

https://www.facebook.com/PrincessesPrincesPursuingPurity

https://www.facebook.com/abstinenceuntilmarriage

http://www.timtebowfoundation.org/

http://www.runlolorun.com

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Sexual Purity And The Youth Stereotype

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In my humble opinion, it’s the biggest mistake made by today’s churches and is the number one contributing factor to our society of sexual immorality  — assigning the virtue of sexual purity to youth while dismissing its importance for never married adults.  This stereotype is so all encompassing that it makes me dizzy thinking about all the layers that have to be peeled off to expose the biblical truth.  There’s been a lot of talk about sex lately in the news which, unfortunately, shines a bright light on this hypocrisy — thereby weakening the church’s stand on social issues such as same sex marriage, abortion, adultery, etc.   The Bible never puts an age limit on sexual purity and never mentions youth groups, youth pastors, college churches, purity balls for teenage girls, sex education for teens, etc.  But they are so engrained in church tradition today that it’s hard for most people to separate tradition from obedience.  You may be tempted to ask:  “But does it have to be in the Bible to be used today?”  My answer is – when it comes to teaching and modeling sexual values in the 21st century, all of them have to be based on the Bible.  What this limitation does, in effect, is add to the bible.  God’s word clearly tells us we cannot do that:  For I testify unto every man that heareth the words of the prophecy of this book, If any man shall add unto these things, God shall add unto him the plagues that are written in this book.” Revelations 22:18.  The addition of age-based purity is just as grave as adding another disciple to God’s word.  The consequences of this have been devastating over the last 20 years.  It reinforces the notion that sexual purity is not possible in adulthood.  It denies that many of the saints reached adulthood.  It denies that Jesus reached adulthood.  What we have left is strictly an adolescent Bible, one that is cute and cuddly and friendly to women and children.  One that is politically correct and comfortable to all.  A Bible as palpable as cotton candy.   What we don’t have is an adult Bible, the sword of the spirit, which is the word of God, slicing through contemporary debates.  God’s infinite wisdom and truth gets no deeper than children’s church, no deeper than the golden calf of marriage and family.  Standards are lowered, expectations are lowered, and the cycle continues.

Nowhere is this more evident than in the written word today.  The subject of sexual purity in books and magazines is almost always approached from the perspective of a concerned parent (True Love Waits, etc).  And in the blogosphere world, 90+% of all articles related to purity are covered by young emotionally charged Catholic girls, 20-somethings who see themselves as experts on all things purity.  Even the negative phrase “purity culture” has been coined to describe them.  It has it’s own language, mindset, and personality.  Since they don’t know what purity is in the adult world, these young writers are typically judgmental, distrustful of all older single men, and bash single men every chance they get.  Most pervasive is the distrust of older single men.   On these blogs, men have been reduced to no more than a drunken bloat sitting at a bar looking for his next skirt to chase.  The patience and self control of older chaste single men has become . . . fantasy.   There are exceptions, of course.  One blogger even remarked that:  “If we lower the bar, he doesn’t have to exist.”  In many ways, we don’t exist today.  Some of these young writers have even stated that it’s inappropriate for 50-60 year old single adults to date.   Many churches have left the job of setting standards of virtue to women.  That’s the main reason so many churches are feminized today, driving real men away, older single men who are just as pure as the purity ball queens.  If these double standards are brought to their attention, their number one defense is numbers – “There are just so few of these men.”  I know I’ve said this before — God’s power and faithfulness is not limited by statistics and numbers.  All of us who are living lives of purity must allow for the supernatural and number-defying workings of God.  We must respect and trust each other, whether it’s in day to day encounters or in the digital world.

Beyond Singleness – The Solitary Life

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There has been a lot written recently about singleness with advice on everything from how to find your perfect match to dining alone.  And there are thousands of products marketed to us – cars and books to dating sites and cruises.   What does “single” really mean anyway?  Not too much today I’m afraid.  And the inconsistencies with which it is used are puzzling.  For instance – Surveys and various forms break it down into single, divorced, widowed, or separated.  But socially (as most churches) it’s never broken down further than a one size fits all single.  The word “single” has taken on so much negative connotation today that the majority of them have left the church.  It would be sort of like walking into a room that’s labeled “lepers.”  I think that is especially true with men.  In a sex worship society that expects them to “have some” all the time, they don’t want to take the chance of being ridiculed amongst strangers or accused of living an alternative lifestyle.  I’ve heard this from many men and I think we can thank the media and priest scandals for much of this paranoia.  Only in a pornographic could it be considered wrong to be a solitary man.

Whereas a husband and wife depend on each other, the solitary man depends on Christ.  For everything.  Most people would probably have difficulty comprehending that fact, especially those not familiar with the Bible.  “Oh no, you can’t be serious.  You mean you’ve never had s&%.  How can you stand it?” You have to give “it” a name first.  It’s called celibacy and is all in God’s hands.  He is the master of self control and balance.  Look at the living creatures around you.  Some reproduce sexually.  And some asexually (tulips, dahlias, strawberries).  For the Christian single called to the solitary life, children can take the form of those they mentor and lead to Christ.  As you can see, when viewed in the right light, celibacy can become quite an intellectual pursuit.

Solitary.  Alone.  One.  Uno.   Celibate.  No Sleep Number bed.

Could you walk up to a strange man on the banks of the Jordan River and comfortably sit down beside him and have a long conversation?  If you can’t feel comfortable with Apostle Paul, you’re probably not going to make it to his door in eternity.  Of course, you would never feel comfortable with Christ either.  One.  It’s a real number.  It’s a real way of life.  A solitary life.

IAre you willing to demonstrate Christ’s love by pushing aside your suspiciousness and inviting a solitary friend to a Christmas event this year?

Thank you CE.

True Love Waits No More

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Clayton King

In an unprecedented move, the Southern Baptists have dropped their True Love Waits program in favor of a grace and forgiveness project for gays and lesbians and others dealing with sexual sin, emphasizing that “perfect behavior” is no longer part of God’s design in marriage. Starting around December 15th, it will be known as the “True Love Project” with sexual health and healing also being on the ticket. According to Clayton King of Crossroads Ministries who wrote all of the new material, the new “product” will “communicate God’s design for relationships to a new generation of students and young adults who may be struggling or confused about love, dating and sex.” But the number one reason True Love Waits is being dropped is because it “elevated virginity as the ultimate goal” according to King. “Repeatedly, I say that the goal is not to be a virgin on your wedding day.” “I want people to know they are pure because Jesus purified them from sin, not because they have perfect behavior and have never had intercourse or looked at porn.” I’m not sure when the Baptists redefined virginity as perfection, but it does take the straw man to a whole new level. And more puzzling, the original True Love Waits did not include “ancient and unchangeable truths of God’s word.” It was never a Billy Graham evangelical crusade. This shift marks the first time the SBC has taken the position that there is no spiritual component within human sexuality. It is rather unfortunate to see the pledges of purity until marriage that millions of teenagers and young adults made belittled as “temporary physical pleasures.” TLW was one of the largest abstinence campaigns in the country, started some 20 years ago by Richard Ross and Jimmy Hester. These changes are in keeping though with Russell Moore’s (SBC Ethics Commission president) call for all Baptists to “love our gay and lesbian neighbors as Jesus did.” In a time when Christians are losing the culture war and teenagers need consistent standards of values, the Baptists continue their tradition of mixed messages. Answering the backlash that the new program has already received, the Project’s Ben Trueblood acknowledged “sexual purity is an important issue for students,” but “that alone cannot drive the conversation.” As it did with marriage and the DOMA debacle, the SBC is willing to affirm the Bible’s message on purity, but not willing to defend it. I wonder who is really driving the conversation? The SBC or the majority of teens who could not wait until marriage and feel uncomfortable with the idea of purity? The profit margins they contribute to Lifeway? I’m thankful I was not a teenager in the “new generation” and that I learned early from my parents that sexual purity is not a “temporary pleasure.” We can only pray that the “projects” don’t force American taxpayers to pay for more contraception and abortions.

https://www.goodreads.com/author/show/2943018.Clayton_King/blog
http://www.christiannewswire.com/news/6955173061.html
http://www.christianpost.com/news/lifeways-true-love-waits-movement-to-launch-new-updated-sexual-purity-campaign-110046/
http://www.claytonking.com/blog/TLP/‎
http://www.tnbaptist.org/BRARticle.asp?ID=4639
http://www.sbclife.net/Articles/2013/12/sla12.asp‎
http://http://baptistcourier.com/2013/11/king-true-love/

Waiting Tips – Saving Sex Until Marriage

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1. Accept Christ and put him in charge of your whole life – heart, soul, mind, body.
2. Go over the creation story again in Genesis. Picture everything in your mind. The rain, the fog, birds in flight, fireflies. All the days coming together. Be absolutely certain that you give God credit for all the processes we do not see. Including sex – He made that too.
3. Realize that your attraction to the opposite sex is not unique, that it’s shared by every other human that ever lived (with a few rare exceptions). So yes, the boy sitting next to you thinks she’s hot too. Relatively speaking, skin is cheap.
4. Understand that sex is not dirty. God created it. So it must be good. The human race would not have survived without it. Realize that God could have created our reproduction by other means. In other words, the stork could really be delivering all babies.
5. The design of our bodies goes beyond genius. You have to admit that God knew a lot about multitasking before we did.
6. If it makes you uncomfortable, you probably shouldn’t do it.
7. The topic of sex needs to be discussed early in the relationship, like the second date. It doesn’t have to be an abrupt “so, have you had sex?” You can cleverly set up any number of discussion starters. “So what do you think about what the Patriots did to Tim Tebow?” “What do you think about Jase and Missy on Duck Dynasty? Did they wait too long?” “What do you think about the girl who auctioned off her virginity?”
8. Don’t put yourself in a situation where you will be tempted. For instance, if you’ve been invited to a party, but you don’t the people who are attending, just graciously decline.
9. Dress modestly, guys and girls. Clothes reveal how much value you place on your own body. And the value goes down the more you reveal. Girls – Most guys love a mystery. You are not going to have to show cleavage to get the attention of the right guy for you. Guys – There is nothing modest about wearing your pants around your knees. And if you have to wear your pants so tight that it leaves little to the imagination, you are telling the world that that’s your biggest asset. The truth is, they’re all on the same size. God gave us a brain to rise above the level of primal monkeys.
10. Get to know death and the nature of our mortality. When you visit a funeral time, take time to look at death in the face. Think about that person’s family. Now think about yourself. This may help put our temporary earthly bodies in perspective.
11. Defend each others virtue. Guys, I would say this responsibility falls mainly to you. If you see a nice girl getting bullied, you need to step up to the plate. Bring chivalry back.
12. Come to terms with the fact that you will be a minority, that you may not have many friends, that you may not be the most popular person in your class. Following the crowd does not lead to a life of virtue.
13. Be cognizant that the tiniest wisp of a butterfly’s wings can have eternal consequences tomorrow. For instance girls: If you are in your usual group of friends, don’t give the silent treatment to a guy that walks by and says hello. It may have taken him weeks to get up enough courage just to say hello. The chances of him trying again are slim to none. Just think, one split second in time, one turn of the head and a cold shoulder can say “no” to the person God intended for you to spend a lifetime with. Guys – This means stepping away from the pack sometimes.
14. Realize that we are all sensitive creatures. Guys – I’m not saying that should cry at the drop of a hat. But be in tune with your emotions. Don’t ignore them. God created them too. What may seem trivial to the world may actually be paramount in God’s eyes.
15. Forgot about “the talk.” You need to start a meaningful conversation with an older person you trust, someone who can share their life experiences with you, ideally someone who is also waiting, or a married couple who waited. It may not be your parents to initiate the conversation, especially if they didn’t wait. The conversation could be ongoing for months, years, etc. A mentor.
16. If you know something is wrong, you don’t have to ask anybody else.
17. Imagine the best looking person you know in your mind, maybe one you’ve dreamed about. Now imagine saying no when he/she knocks on your door and asks you if you want to have sex. Transfer that scenario to everyday interactions. Be prepared for anything.
18. Understand that saying no to sex before marriage is actually saying yes to God and your future spouse and lives together.
19. Understand that your normal and the ones who don’t wait are abnormal.
20. Put faith in the fact that God knows more than you. He built you and gave you an instruction book in the form of the Bible. No matter how out of step they may sound, there is a reason for all of his commandments.
21. Don’t keep your relationship secret. Christian friends can offer you support and advice.
22. Don’t be afraid to do a background check by whatever means necessary. If the person of interest is being honest with you, they shouldn’t have a problem with that.
23. Get to know their family. Find out about his/her parents’ history including how they met, how long they’ve been married, expectations, etc.
24. Have as much conversation as possible face to face. Not on social media, twitter, email, etc. Next best would be old fashioned telephone call. We are hard wired for direct communication.
25. Understand that sex makes you a different person, literally. It changes your body’s chemical composition and prepares you for lifetime bonding and child rearing (if that’s God’s plan).

Virginity – Don’t Be A Question Mark

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Even though we live in a culture that believes waiting until marriage is only for girls, please remember that purity is a two way street. Young ladies – If marriage is in your plans, you shouldn’t expect anything less than your future husband also being a virgin on your wedding night. I know most of the purity campaigns today are for girls only and will tell you that “boys will be boys,” and that it’s up to you to draw the line. That is simply not true. Real men know how to wait. Some people may tell you that’s being “judgmental” or “self righteous.” The fact is, that’s the way God intended it to be. Your marriage will have the best chance of surviving ’til death do us part if both of you start with no baggage. And even a one night stand is baggage.

Let everybody know that your standards are high. Our society today may tell you that you’re living in a fantasy world. Just remember that there are others who have gone before you who lived it in reality. Waiting until marriage before having sex has nothing to do with age. God does not put a stopwatch on virtue.

I’m just thankful this Thanksgiving 2013 for his guidance in my life – and knowing that I have not fathered a child without a dad or contributed to the number of unwanted children in the world. And I have peace of mind that I’m living in God’s will for my life. Stay strong, be patient. Encourage each other. And above all – Be bold. Don’t be a question mark. John Morgan, Virgin 52